India is an ancient land, with a rich heritage of spirituality, tradition, hospitality and tolerance, and this last characteristic is clearly visible to any outsider who visits here. The religious tolerance that India has inculcated is an example that is unprecedented in world history. Nowhere does one find so many religions and within them so many castes and communities. Barring a few incidents of people getting intimidated, by and large the people of our land are peace loving, compassionate, and believers of co-existence. Though all religions are basically similar, preaching and spreading similar messages, Hinduism is known for its broadminded religious tolerance and flexible attitude towards life. This ancient 'way of life' does not impose any doctrines to be strictly adhered to, and always nurtured a positive acceptance of all other religions.

Sindhis were the people who took easily to the changing situations, be it being ruled by outsiders or being rendered homeless with a single stroke; but the spirit of survival never dwindled, the average Sindhi was ready for more. The struggle for survival and the yearning for freedom took thousands of them to distant unknown places, thereby making them very adaptable and accommodating by nature. Settling in foreign lands and marrying outside the community was not a difficult prospect for a Sindhi. Whether man or woman, a Sindhi was always and has been ever since, open to the idea of an inter-caste marriage.

It is generally believed by the lay man that a male can make choices in every sphere of life, even choosing his life partner, but a woman does not enjoy that freedom. It comes then as a surprise to the same people when a Sindhi girl decides for herself the man she is going to spend her life with. Yes, surprise it was for Mohini Balani's family when she announced her plan of marrying Charles Dias, her friend whom she met at Kirti College. Coming from a traditional family where even a Matriculate degree was a status symbol, such a situation was an unthinkable one for the parents. Being adamant, however the two were married, and soon after settled in Charles's large family home.. However, staying with them was not at all difficult for Mohini "Though I was a Hindu, my in-laws made me feel very comfortable. In spite of such a vast difference of culture, food habits and life style in general, I had an easy life." says Mohini. The main characteristic of the community as reported by her is their patience, tolerance level and no demands. There was never any perseverance from her in-laws to convert to Christianity, neither were there any dowry demands; unlike the Sindhi community in which give and take i.e. 'Deti-Leti' is so dominant. "I have other sisters and my mother has to continue carrying on the business of giving. Though there are no demands from the in-laws, still we have to do so to maintain the "izzat' of the family you see".

This feeling has been seconded by Sunita Nagpal, who runs a successful venture of flowers and foliage-'Temple of Flowers',and is happily married to Suresh Menon, a Malayali. "In my in-laws family there is no question of dowry or 'Deti-Leti'. In fact on one occasion, my parents and grandmother had come with fruits, mithai and all the goodies, and that embarrassed my in-laws to such an extent that they warned me not to let that happen again. So much so that they hid all the items when some of their relatives arrived. The surprising part was when my mother-in-law sent some mithai for my mother on an auspicious day".

Both the girls were pleasantly surprised that their respective families had a very broad based attitude towards rituals and other practices. Mohini still performs the Satyanarayan pooja, and Charles sits besides her, just as easily as she celebrates Christmas with his extended family. No compulsions, no qualms. Sunita was a staunch follower of 'Chaumasa', which she continued for some time, but discontinued on her own free will. "There never has been any compulsion on me, but I on my own decided against it. Today I celebrate the Onam and the Vishnu festivals with my in-laws by making rangolis at dawn, lighting diyas etc."

But things were not so easy for Renu who decided against all odds to marry her childhood love, Iqbal. Having never met his family before marriage, Renu had to adjust mainly to the food habits. "We Sindhis are not accustomed to eating non-vegetarian food every day, especially Mondays and Thursdays and so on. Hence it was a little difficult in the beginning, but I soon settled down. Today I follow the same routine as before. I do not eat or cook non-veg. on some days, Iqbal respects my feelings and he too abstains from it. We both respect each others feelings, and that keeps us going"

The cases just cited seem to point out to the easy adjustments that the Sindhi women have been able to make with their in-laws, whether it was food preferences, clothes they wore or the professions that they chose. There wasn't any resistance from the parents-in-laws or husbands either. It seems difficult if not impossible to pinpoint one single factor that can be the sole attributing cause, but a few factors collectively need to be reviewed here. According to Mohini it is probably the independence that comes when one is of a certain age, mature to take such decisions for oneself. For Sunita it is certainly education that has brought about such an accepting attitude towards marriage. One chooses a partner as per his or her nature, and not as per the community. The same feelings were voiced by Renu who married Iqbal for the person he is and not for the community he belonged to.

Having spent about twenty to twenty four years in an average Sindhi family, and now in another community, has given the women an insight into the subtle nuances that exist in different communities, making them different from each other in more than one way. For instance, the major tradition in Sindhi community is that of Deti-Leti, which is so deep rooted and subtle that it has become a poison that is eating away the social fabric, especially in case of the middle class families. So much 'Dikhawa', and family 'Izzat' that a family goes to any length to please the daughter's parents-in-laws. "A practice that does not exist in my husband's family. Here the family gives the daughter whatever they can afford, nobody comes to know of it." says Sunita. Renu too noticed to her surprise that they live simple lives, without much tension and give the daughter whatever they can afford. "I was happy to see that the man gives 'Meher' to his wife's family at the time of marriage. The simplicity of life style, the loving nature of family members, has helped these 'Bahus' to maintain their identities, without having to compromise unrealistically. Sunita, being an entrepreneur, has erratic working hours, but no occasion does she have to take prior permission from her mother-in-law, "which is in total contrast to a Sindhi family where I feel I would have to take 'Mokal' from my elders" she says.Mohini who has a busy schedule as a lecturer in Jai Hind college and has sisters who envy her for her freedom and self-identity, "I have that and a lot more, as compared to my siblings. I am independent and I have my say in most of the matters. In the name of love even educated bahus are confined to the four walls but not so in my case. There is so much communication and much more closeness".

Along with these so called negative customs that are prevalent in the Sindhi community, there is also a wealth of all the good 'sanskaras' that a mother passes on to her daughter. No matter what education is given to the girl child, the mother diligently imparts all the household skills from cooking to home keeping, making the post marriage life a lot easier. According to Suresh Menon "Sindhi girls are really adjusting and homely as compared to the over ambitious girls from other communities." His comment comes from an observation of many of his relatives and friends being married to Sindhi women. "I am afraid that one day these Sindhi wives are going to take over our Kerala" he jokingly remarks. Iqbal too finds life lighter because "Renu can manage the home even without servants, she is so independent by nature, well trained by her mother” These perhaps are the subtle underlying patterns that are observed when people stay in close proximity, and these are what set apart one community from the other. It is this that makes a 'community-character' that in turn sets apart one individual from another.

Keeping in mind that these marriages are love-marriages, and hence the individuals shared a childhood, a neighbourhood, or college, there were natural opportunities for frequent interactions and choices. But over and above all these one cannot ignore the basic community-character that of being a Sindhi girl, born into a Sindhi family, the only community in which the girl child is respected as a 'Nyaareen', considered as equivalent to a hundred Brahmins. It is this self respect and unconventional life style that an unmarried girl enjoys at her parents home that is a very important pointer towards her adjustment capacities in any other community, whether Christian, South Indian, or Muslim. Giving utmost priority to husband, home and family, and balancing the strengths and weaknesses of her community, she flows with the tide, taking with her all the ups and downs that life has to offer with that typical Sindhi spirit of Never-say-die.